How to Unhook from Your Thoughts: A Simple Guide to Defusion
Written by Kelsey Bartrum, Graduate Student Counseling Intern
Sometimes a thought shows up and suddenly it’s all you can focus on.
Maybe it sounds something like:
“What if something’s wrong?”
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“What if I’m making the wrong decision?”
And no matter how hard you tried to think your way out of it… the thought only got louder. If that sounds familiar, you are not alone and you are not doing anything wrong. This is simply what minds do.
When we feel anxious, our brain shifts into protection mode. It tries to solve, predict, and prevent anything that could go wrong. But instead of helping, this often pulls us into overthinking, doubt, and mental exhaustion. We get hooked meaning we start treating our thoughts like facts we must figure out.
This is where defusion comes in.
Defusion is a skill that helps you step back from your thoughts instead of getting pulled into them. It’s not about getting rid of thoughts or replacing them with more positive ones. Instead, it’s about changing your relationship with them.
Because the truth is:
You can have a thought without it being true.
You can have a thought without needing to act on it.
One simple way to practice this is by adding a small phrase. Instead of thinking, “I’m going to mess this up,” try, “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that I’m going to mess this up.”
It may feel subtle, but it creates space. You are no longer inside the thought, you are observing it. You can also try imagining your thoughts as background noise, like music playing in a store. It’s there, but you do not have to engage with it. Or picture placing each thought on a leaf floating down a stream, letting it pass without grabbing onto it.
Another surprisingly helpful tool is to say the thought in a silly voice or tone. This isn’t to make fun of yourself, it is to remind your brain that a thought is just a string of words, not a command you have to follow. The goal isn’t to control your thoughts. The goal is to stop letting them control you.
And here is the most important part: after you notice and step back from a thought, gently bring your attention back to what matters. You might ask yourself: “What do I want to do right now?” or “How do I want to show up in this moment?”
Because even with anxious thoughts present, you still have the ability to choose your next step.
Over time, as you practice defusion, something shifts. The thoughts may still show up, but they tend to feel less urgent, less powerful, and less defining.
Your mind will always generate thoughts, that is its job. But you do not have to believe every thought you have.
You can notice it, make space for it, and still move forward.
If this resonated with you, know that there is hope. You don’t have to stay stuck in these patterns. We would be honored to walk with you as you learn to unhook from your thoughts and move toward the freedom and peace you were created for, even when those thoughts still show up. Reach out today!