Written by Kelsey Bartrum, Graduate Student Counseling Intern
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), acceptance is often misunderstood. People hear the word and think it means liking fear, agreeing with pain, or giving up. But acceptance in ACT is none of those things. Acceptance is surrender. Not surrender to fear but surrender of the fight with fear. Most of us are exhausted not because fear exists, but because we spend so much energy trying to control, outrun, or silence it.
The War With Fear
Fear shows up in many forms:
- “What if I fail?”
- “What if I’m rejected?”
- “What if I can’t handle this?”
- “What if this feeling never goes away?”
ACT doesn’t try to convince us that these fears are irrational or untrue. Instead, it asks a gentler, and harder question: What has fighting fear cost you?
For many people, the answer is painful but honest. Fighting fear can cost us things that look like missed opportunities, avoided relationships, numbness, control that consumes life, and a constant sense of bracing for the next wave to crash. Acceptance begins when we stop arguing with fear’s existence and start noticing what the struggle itself is doing to us.
Surrender Is Not Giving Up
In ACT, surrender is an active choice, not a collapse.
It sounds like:
- “Fear is here, and I can still move.”
- “This feeling can ride along, but it doesn’t get to drive.”
- “I don’t need certainty to take this step.”
Surrender means releasing the belief that we must feel safe before we live fully. That belief quietly keeps people stuck.
Making Room for Fear
Acceptance is the practice of making room for uncomfortable internal experiences like fear, anxiety, shame, doubt, without trying to fix, suppress, or escape them. When fear arises, most people instinctively tense against it by clenching the body, rushing to distract, replaying reassurance-seeking thoughts, or avoiding the situation entirely.
ACT invites a different response:
- Notice fear as a sensation in the body
- Name it without judgment
- Allow it to be present without rushing it away
This is surrender. Not because fear wins, but because you stop feeding the fight. And when the fight ends, something surprising happens fear often softens on its own.
Surrender Creates Freedom
The paradox of acceptance is this: The moment you stop trying to control fear is often the moment it loses its grip. Why? Because fear thrives on resistance. When we surrender the struggle, we reclaim energy, the energy that can now be used for what actually matters:
- Showing up honestly
- Acting courageously
- Choosing connection
- Living according to values instead of avoidance
Acceptance doesn’t promise less fear. It promises more freedom.
Acceptance and Values: Walking Forward While Afraid
ACT teaches that fear and meaning often travel together. If something matters deeply: love, growth, faith, purpose…fear will likely be nearby. Surrender is not about staying still. It’s about moving forward without needing fear to disappear first. Acceptance is one of the bravest acts a person can take. It requires honesty, humility, and trust, not that fear will go away, but that you can hold it and still live well.
In ACT, surrender is not the end of the journey. It is a fresh start that allows us to live more aligned with who we want to be. If fear has been running the show in your life, you don’t have to navigate that alone. Counseling can help you learn how to move toward what matters most while holding fear with openness and grace. Here at Doors of Hope, we are trained and equipped to help you let go of your war with fear. We’d be honored to join you as you navigate acceptance as full surrender. Reach out today!