adapted from Meredith Louden, sleep coach By Tara St. Charles, LPC at Doors of Hope
Have a love/hate relationship with your sleep? Try building a new relationship using the 6 Pillars of Sleep. Pillar #1 – Interrupt the autopilot programming that has become your sleep cycle.
If you formed the habit of worrying about your sleep, your Survival Brain learns that nighttime = worry. It is too hard for the brain to relax into sleep if it thinks that it needs to stay alert with worry. You must interrupt the Flight or Flight operating mode and become AWARE that you are sending worry messages to your brain about sleep. What message would you like to send to your brain about sleep instead?
Pillar #2 – Protect what you feed your mind.
Be intentional about your Mental Diet so that your nervous system can calm down to sleep. Daytime consumption matters more than you think! Survival brain may be getting overstimulation and fear-based content, from doomscrolling, for example, making it hard for your brain to slow down. Try to stop consuming content that triggers anxiety or puts you into a bad mood. How about feed your Mental Diet with content that uplifts you? Personal development books or maybe inspiring podcasts. Because the brain is always looking for more evidence to support what you are focused on, feed it possibility and calm and your brain starts looking for this instead.
Pillar #3 – Retrain your brain’s response to daily stress.
Anxiety and insomnia are not different problems. Insomnia is brain’s way of communication that it is not fully relaxed and it can’t let go. During the day, the stress carries over to bedtime. Survival brain is constantly scanning for threats and can not tell the difference between actual threats OR the pressure that you are putting on yourself to finish your To-Do lists, be perfect, or answer every email. All of this feels like Danger. The nervous system is treating everything in your day as an emergency because of the WEIGHT THAT YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVING THEM i.e. the emotional charge you attach to everyday things. So what can you do about this? Start catching yourself? Retrain your nervous systems’ response to daily stress by asking yourself,“How important is this REALLY?” In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), gaining distance from the emotional charge and weight of your thoughts through practicing Cognitive Diffusion allows you to unhook from behaviors that may take you away from your goals. Give it a try!
Pillar #4 – Your passions are part of your healing.
Your brain needs something to look forward to something vs. staying stuck in survival mode. Assess how much of your time you devote to things that “fill your cup”. Check in with your values to see if you are in alignment with them. ACT therapy is a great modality for learning how to align your actions with your values to live a fulfilling life. What passions do you want to be part of your healing? Are you engaged in self-esteeming acts, healthy relationships, or benefitting from self-care?
Pillar #5 – Protect your energy.
Value this precious resource for what it is. Every time you say “yes” when you mean to say “no” carries a signal of stress in your body. If you spend your day betraying your own needs, how could the body not carry that stress signal into your night? People-pleasing can be a life-long challenge to overcome
however, if you ask yourself, “Does this fill me up or does this drain me?” before you say “yes”, you are on the path to conserving and honoring your energy. Your nighttime Self will thank you!
Pillar #6 – Make peace with your sleep.
No matter what happens that night, your body needs to feel OK with what is. By telling yourself, “Even if I don’t sleep, I am OK!!” Truly believing it is key because as soon as your body gets the signal that there is no danger, this is when it can finally relax and allow you to fall asleep. Practicing positive self-talk, noticing the worry thought and letting it pass (unhooking from your thoughts using ACT and Mindfulness), allows your body to let go of the Flight or Fight operating mode. Your only job when you get into bed at night is to REST, not just sleep. So when you have a bad night, resist the urge to make it mean something. Practicing Radical Acceptance (DBT) vs. struggling to fight it lets your body relax and rejuvenate from a well-rested Self. Go Team YOU!