Written by Tara St. Charles, LPC, PLPC, MAADC II
With approximately 2 in 5 U.S. adults reporting that their stress levels increase during the holiday season between November and January and how this stress interferes with their ability to enjoy them (36% even say the holidays feel like competition), it is prime time to stock up on your mental health reserves BEFORE the holidays with some proper planning.
So let’s get to it with some tips!
- Pick a designated safe person – This is someone that can see what is happening and either diffuse the situation or can offer an escape. Let’s say that your out-of-state cousin starts asking about the latest political news while the turkey is being packaged up as leftovers for everyone to take with them. Your safe person high-tails it over to your cousin with the family’s Prize Winning piece of pie and a fresh fork that is just waiting to be demolished. Score!
- See some family before the holidays – For relationships that feel more challenging, catching up with them in a low-key setting before the big family get together to exchange gifts and catch up can feel more manageable.
- Put your needs first – Do you regularly meditate in the morning? Maybe take walks during the lunch hour or enjoy playing tug-o-war with your dog before their meal time? Make it a priority to stick to your self-care routine, especially on the holiday. As the saying goes, “If you don’t have 10 minutes to meditate, meditate for 30”.
- Find something to do – When in doubt, be of service. Rather than standing around feeling anxious, help the host and put away left
- Set boundaries – Even though it might be a holiday from your job, it is wise to not let your boundaries take a vacation day. They keep you and others safe and you get to decide what they are. “No, thank you. I will sit this one out” when asked to sing carols by the piano (You prefer singing in the shower where you KNOW you sound like a rock star!)
- Practice mindfulness – If feeling frustrated by what others are doing, saying or not doing and saying, turn your focus inward. Try to identify and label your feelings. Notice the thoughts that are running through your mind. See if you can identify what is within your control at the moment. Do you need to take a deep breath? Maybe feel the comfy sofa that you are sitting on and the smells of warm rolls and freshly made brownies? Take a moment to recognize how, with all things considered, you are OK right here and now and that the intense negative emotion that you are feeling will pass. In other words, ride the wave of your emotion and practice Emotion Regulation, one of DBT’s Key Skills.
- Remember that you are not alone – Family dysfunction is more typical than not. Your ability to weather this special kind of storm can come from learning about self-care, emotion regulation and finding healthy supports. When dysfunction feels overwhelming, leaning on a trusted therapist or support group can bring you back to life and the ability to rediscover the joy in the holiday season.
References:
-APA.org (2023), Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress in most Americans.
-Brodsky,S.,(2022), 14 Ways people with weird family dynamics make the holidays less awful, Wondermind.com